Who Is Discipling
My Child?
What are your ambitions for your children?
Is it that they get a good education? Be good at sports? Get a scholarship? Get a good job? Be safe and happy? Have everything they need in life?
Is it that they grow up to be a good person? To have their own family and be a good husband or wife? A good mom or dad? These are all good things to want for your children. But, if you are a Christian parent, your main goal should be for your children to become disciples of Christ.
Therefore, the question EVERY Christian parent should ask themselves and continue to revisit regularly is, “Who is discipling my child?”
What Is a Disciple?
But, what is a disciple? Why does it matter? You have probably heard of Jesus’s disciples, but how is discipleship relevant to your family today?
The word disciple comes from the Latin word discipuli which means student. We often think of a student as someone gaining knowledge or skill from a teacher, but Jesus taught more than knowledge and skill to His disciples. He taught them how to live rightly, how to interpret the scriptures, how to view the world in light of the scriptures, and how to relate to other people. He taught them the nature of God and how to pray. He taught them about Himself. But He did not do this by holding a daily lecture time or Bible study. He discipled them by living alongside them. He spent time with them, asked them questions, had countless conversation, and demonstrated how they should live.
The final instructions that Jesus gave to His followers (His disciples) was to “go and make disciples of all nations.” (Matthew 28:19) But He was not only talking to the followers there with Him. These instructions were given to us as His followers today as well. These were clear directions- a command. Go and make disciples. If you are a follower of Christ, you are commanded to disciple others. It is part of the process He designed for His people.
Who Should Disciple Children?
But the people we see Jesus discipling were adults. Did Jesus intend for us to disciple children too? Whose job is it to disciple your kids? Can they be discipled by the children’s leader or student pastor at church? We can find direction for this question in Deuteronomy 6:4-9:
“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”
The responsibility to disciple children lies with parents. Parents are called to teach their children, not only in the knowledge of God and His scriptures and commandments, but of His nature, His values, His Gospel, and His purposes. While no one will ever again do that perfectly, Jesus has given us the example for which we should strive. He did not command us to be perfect. He did not even command us to be successful. He just commanded us to go and do it.
Won’t That Happen Naturally?
Notice I did not say parents should ask,“Is my child being discipled?”Because all children are always being discipled. The question is who is discipling them and unto what are they being discipled? Christian parents want their kids to become disciples of Christ, but people can become disciples of many things, and unless we intentionally disciple them unto Christ, the world will naturally disciple them to follow something else, most likely themselves.
Discipleship shapes a child’s virtues, values, habits, and worldview. All of these things are naturally formed in a child as he or she grows based on surroundings and exposures. If they are not discipled with Biblical virtues, values, habits, and worldview, they will form secular virtues, values, habits, and worldview. There is no neutral. (More on these topics will come in other posts.)
You may be thinking, “I take my kids to church every week. The teachers at church are discipling them.”
While having your children engaged with a body of believers is vital, your child’s teacher cannot disciple them in a classroom in one hour (or less) per week. This is only a small part of the process of discipleship. In the world we live in, we have become very good at outsourcing responsibilities. We do not even have to go to the grocery store for ourselves if we so choose. But by attempting to outsource discipleship of our kids to the church, we have inadvertently outsourced it to the world.
What Do I Need to Disciple?
The only resources you need to disciple your kids are the Word of God and His Spirit within you, but discipleship does require a few more things: Time, Intentionality, Patience, and Modeling.
1- Time- Who your child spends most of his or her time with is who will naturally disciple your child. If you or your spouse is not that person, you will have to work harder to maximize the time you have and combat the unbiblical ideas they encounter. After time spent in school and extracurricular activities each week, how much time does your child have left to spend with you? How much of that time is spent engaged with them, not just in the same room? How much time is spent in meaningful conversation that provides opportunity to shape Biblical virtues, values, habits, and worldview?
Take some time to identify how many hours each week your child spends in different environments and prioritize as much time as possible engaged with them, even if it means saying no to other good things that take time from your family.
2- Intentionality- Even a parent who is with their child all day, every day, can still miss the task of discipling their child by not being intentional. We do not grow in Christ unless we pursue Him, and our children will not grow towards and in Christ unless we take the opportunities given to lead them in their own pursuit. Jesus asked questions of His disciples to evaluate their thinking about the issue at hand and get them thinking about their values and how they view the world. He told them stories and gave examples to explain concepts they did not yet understand and always pointed them to what scripture says is God’s perspective.
Family discipleship requires engaged families spending meaningful time with each other and using that time to have valuable conversations when the opportunity comes. I’m not suggesting every conversation with your child should revolve around a Bible verse, but when you make room for relationship and conversation, the opportunity to point out what God’s Word says about a viewpoint or a dilemma, will inevitably come. When it does, recognize it, and share God’s perspective in that moment, not man’s perspective.
3- Patience- One valuable thing to remember when discipling children is that they still sin. In the beginning, they are all lost. If your child has not yet trusted Christ, you are discipling them unto salvation. If they have, you are discipling them unto sanctification. But, either way, they are still sinners and your job is to teach them virtue, values, habits, and worldview as much as it is to feed and clothe them and make sure they learn to read. This means, it is a slow process, the results of which you will not see right away. This process is about forming a person, not making your day-to-day life easier by changing or pacifying behaviors. That may come as a result, but a well-behaved child is not the purpose of discipleship. Making disciples is messy with adults. I would say it’s even messier with children, but worth the patience.
4- Modeling- I saved this for last, but it is really your starting place. You cannot disciple your children, or anyone for that matter, unto Christ unless you are personally pursuing Him. You must begin by strengthening your own relationship with God. You will add discipleship onto that first step, but never move beyond it. Always be strengthening your own relationship with God and demonstrate that for your children. Be authentic. Let them watch you as you walk with God. Show them what it looks like to have conviction and repent. Demonstrate forgiveness and grace. Let them see you treat people as though they are made in the image of God and expect your children to do the same. Instill habits of reading God’s Word and spending time in prayer. As you pursue Christ, bring them along and show them how to do the same.
If you have never had someone to do that for you, find someone you know is walking with the Lord and ask them to spend time with you and show you how. But you do not have to feel “ready” to begin discipling your kids. You just have to be one step ahead on the same path.
Instead of saying, “I don’t have time,” start asking, “Where can I make time? Instead of saying, “I don’t have the patience,” draw even closer to God and let Him give you that fruit of His Spirit. Instead of saying, “the church will do that.. my husband will do that.. my wife will do that,” start asking, “how can my spouse and I partner with the church to disciple our kids?”
Scripture is clear: Parents should be their child’s primary discipler. You may not feel equipped, but as a follower of Christ, God has equipped you. As I said, the only resources you need to disciple your children are the Word of God and the Holy Spirit, but there are other tools that can be helpful. My goal with this blog is to provide additional resources and advice for parents seeking to disciple their children unto Christ, but first, parents have to accept that responsibility and to understand that Biblical discipleship does not just happen by accident.
It is the job of every Christian parent to disciple their children unto Christ. So, ask yourself, “Who is discipling my child?”
By attempting to outsource discipleship of our kids to the church, we have inadvertently outsourced it to the world.
Sarah Law
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